ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
