There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize