He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
