you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
