So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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