hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
