I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
