What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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