she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
