She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
