He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
