I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
