i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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