I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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