is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
