I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
4 words: hood of his car
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
