that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
