Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
