I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i already hear my dad disowning me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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