1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
