turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My bed smells like the plague
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
