im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
