You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
