i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
