I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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