I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
third nipple confirmed
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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