You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
