Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
