He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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