Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
