I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
