Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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