Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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