Dual....:-)
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
