So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
