I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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