I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
