You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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