she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
