Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
