im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
