I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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