i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
