It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
