Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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