Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
