she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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