Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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