I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
