I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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