hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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